Silence is deadly

People who read this may think I’ve gone off the deep end.
And that is OK. It’s about time.

They may say, “she is making this up for attention.”
And that is OK, although stupid.

They may shake their head in pity and say, “shame on her for embarrassing her family.”
And that is OK, because my family should be embarrassed, but I have nothing to be ashamed of. Anyone who ever made me feel as if I do should be ashamed of themselves.

The adults who judged me as a child acting out should be ashamed.

Anyone who ever shut down a conversation about inappropriate touching between children should hide their faces in shame right now!

Every person who ever blamed a victim because she is female should be exposed as a vestigial cave dweller left behind in the cognitive revolution.

Anyone who’s ever assumed “just one time” won’t hurt should be on an offender registry.

We should all be ashamed of the silence, and in being silent, that we have perpetuated one of the most wasteful of human potential and costliest behaviors that runs rampant through the populace like a plague, leaving in its wake severe depression; immuno, sleep and attachment disorders; lingering physical pain, paralysis, addiction and suicide.

When will we stop looking at these things as if they are the source of what’s causing them? When will we finally address human behavior as causation? Are we truly that baffled about an “opioid epidemic?” Are we really that dense about the epidemic of depression? These hurtful things are the price we pay to remain silent. We are so afraid of a simple and singular truth that we can’t even utter the sound of it.

I am an incest survivor. I am a child incest survivor.

I deserve to be heard.

I deserve to be helped.

I deserve to be respected.

I deserve to be recognized for surviving.

I deserve to be heeded.

I deserve to ignore the ignorant questions and remarks.

I deserve to not concern myself with anyone else’s discomfort.

I deserve an apology from every single human who’s ever used religion to justify harm to another, weaker human being. How dare you show your face?

I deserve to determine my own beliefs in the wake of all of my life experience, about which you know nothing.

I am an incest survivor, and that makes me stronger than you, unless you are an incest survivor, too. Then let me talk to you.

You were wronged. You were violated by someone who wronged you. They may have been weeks, months, years older. Mostly they were stronger, or you had just been beaten down into nothing already. What did it matter if you drank too much, took drugs or slept around? You were already “ruined” in the eyes of others, and so you let yourself believe it was true.

It’s not true. You deserved to be rescued. Right then and there—before it ever reached the point where the sanctity of your body was violated in any way, shape or form. You deserved to have an adult step in and protect you. You did not have that then, but you do, now. You have you, and you are far stronger than you can even begin to believe, because once you speak your truth, you’ll realize the weight of the shame you’ve been carrying for decades. Once you put it down, you will feel weightless. I am here to tell you this is true.

You are not alone. It was not your fault.
You are the victim of a crime.
Demand justice.